A Lesson in Forgiveness

I had been divorced from my husband for about seven years. He was absolutely dreadful in his relationship with our two children and was providing very little financial help. I was so furious with him that I could not speak to him. If he phoned, I would just pass the receiver to one of the children without saying a word.

One morning I decided that I had had enough. It was time to contact a lawyer and pursue him legally for proper support.

I sat for my 6:00 a.m. meditation, and there was Guru, just staring back at me from the Transcendental photograph on my shrine 1. I immediately felt that he did not want me to call a lawyer. I was determined to go ahead with my plan and stared back at the photo. However, I had the strong inner feeling that Guru simply would not budge.     

Finally, in my heart, I asked Guru, “I can see that you don’t want me to proceed, but what shall I do?”

Immediately came the inner reply, “Forgive him.”

“Forgive him?” I asked in astonishment. “He’s been so bad, absolutely horrible and totally irresponsible. He doesn’t deserve to be forgiven!”

Again Guru said, “Forgive him.”

Finally, I gave in. I said, “All right. Since you whom I love so dearly are asking, I shall try to forgive him.” I sat at my shrine, entered deeper into my meditation, and tried to let go of my anger.

Suddenly, I felt Guru in the inner world grabbing a huge, ugly monster, tearing it away from me and hurling it into the Beyond. I was shaking with emotion, and it took quite a while for me to settle down and go on with my day.

Needless to say, I never called a lawyer.

A week or so later, my ex-husband phoned, and I was astonished to discover that my fury had dissipated and I was able to speak to him normally.

This experience taught me that we can never have a life of peace and happiness if we harbour feelings of anger, resentment, and hatred for others. We must forgive, not because someone deserves it, but to liberate ourselves from negative forces.

This experience also showed me Guru’s incredible love, oneness, and concern. Outwardly, I had never told Guru about my frustrations with my ex-husband, but inwardly everything was visible to him.

• 1. the picture that we, as Sri Chinmoy’s disciples, use as a focal point for our meditation practice